13 Powerful Responses When Your Loved One Stonewalls You


You may consider it being cold, dodging the topic, and even an attempt to shut you out of their life. It is what occurs in relationships when one partner may not want to address significant issues. They may attempt block you out, provide you single word responses, leave, or even change the subject.

It very well may be particularly baffling and upsetting when this occurs with your partner. Truth be told, numerous relationship specialists believe that stonewalling plays a significant role into the progression to separation and divorce.

If you happen to experience these situations your current relationship, shifting the way you converse can be valuable. Here are several suggestions that can help for comprehension and reacting to a loved one who stonewalls you.

How Can I Better Understand Stonewalling?

When the outside conduct of your partner appears to be typical, there still can be various purposes behind the stonewalling attack. Realizing the causation can assist you with reacting appropriately.

Some Tips and Responses When Your Loved One Stonewalls You:

1. Look at The Past. Your loved one might be attempting to put up their protective armor. This can happen to them if they are starting to feel anxious about a particular situation. This can be because of examples they created in their earlier years if their upbringing was in a family where adverse sentiments were rarely discussed.

2. Am I Being Swayed? Your partner might be lodging the attack to penalize you or develop control for a given situation. This is where it is important to look within to assess if there may be other signs of potential abuse within your relationship.

3. Take a Time Out. We need to be able to recognize that a situation may begin to elevate and is crucial to take a momentary break away to re-group and settle down. These breaks can be valuable to down regulating a situation.

Well, How Do I Respond When My Partner Stonewalls Me?

While it is characteristic to feel angry and attempt to get your partner to open up, you could be just adding fuel to the flame.

Here Are Some Alternative Responses When My Partner Stonewalls Me

1. Empathy Goes a Long Way.

While no one likes to be on the outside looking in on a situation, attempt to recall that your partner is going through the similar situation as well. Be understanding to their uncertainties and support them with your love.

2. Be Open and Available to Talk.

Tell your partner that you are free to talk when they are inclined. It is important here that you offer a supportive tone rather than a confrontational tone.

3. Connect with One Another.

If you are starting to notice the walls building between you and your partner, an option is to try and reconnect in a gradual manner. Take a moment to put the troubling situations on pause and go do something that you both enjoy.

4. Communication, Communication, Communication.

We are all individuals, and we are not going to see eye to eye on every given situation in our relationship. Both individuals in a relationship may have to work on developing more effective methods of communication. Work on leaning in, providing feedback, and assessing your non-verbal communication.

5. Try to Avoid Going Toe to Toe.

Fight the temptation to match your partner’s emotions just to obtain a conversation from them. While this may get everything off your chest, it may just add it to your loved ones and may further strengthen that stonewall.  

6. Focus on Your Self-Care.

A relationship with ever building stress and tension can negatively affect your psychological and physical wellness. Ensure that you are providing yourself an opportunity to exercise the proper self-care that you need, whether it be exercise, nutrition, a massage, or even a nap.

7. Pardon Your Partner.

To mend the situation with your partner, you will need to absolve each other for your past complaints. Recall that pardoning encourages you as much as your partner.

8. Stress Management.

If it is conceivable, try to discover approaches to that can help to reduce areas of stress in your relationship. For some couples it may revolved around the financial aspect of a relationship, which may need an adjustment on expenses and/or providing additional financial opportunities to lessen the burden.  Others may have stress in how we raise our children or interaction with family, make sure there are clear guidelines set to eliminate the potential for argument, as both individuals’ priorities should be established.

9. Talk with Your Therapist.

Couples counseling is an excellent move here, however you and your partner may also need to seek our individual counseling to get to the root cause. You can discover and investigate your alternatives all alone or together. In the beginning phases, one individual may likewise be more open to talking with a counselor over engaging with one another.

10. Evaluate If This is the Relationship for You.

If your partner constantly stonewalls you or you find that your needs in the relationship are not being met, it may be the moment where you need to part ways. That is particularly obvious if different indications of abuse are available. Hone in on the moments you have experienced, lessons that were learned, to help develop bigger and better things for your life.

Stonewalling can cause you to feel confined and defenseless, yet there is an exit plan. If both partners are willing to put the effort into more effectively communicating with one another, you might have the option to reconnect and develop that bigger and better relationship.


Nicole O’Hare, MS, LPC, CMHIMP is a Licensed Professional Counselor and  Certified Mental Health Integrative Medicine Provider at A Beautiful Soul Holistic Counseling in Chandler, AZ along with completing Level 3 training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which allows her to provide tools on helping couples communicate effectively and transform their relationship, which offering a more holistic and integrative approach to achieve optimal health and wellness while preventing common mental health problems. You can find her on: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter

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